NASA Puts People To Sleep, But Not Forever

Cape Canaveral, FL – NASA is planning to plough up to a half of a million American dollars into a scheme to develop a hibernation chamber which will put humans to sleep for up to fourteen days.

“If we can put someone to sleep for fourteen days, we can send them to Houston,” said a NASA official. “That’s about how long it takes from our lab here in Pasadena. Yeah, I guess it is ironic we can go to the moon but can’t figure out a simple way to travel between two points on Earth.” He sprayed a thick mist in our reporter’s face, whispering, “now sleep.”

“They’ve never attended our Monday morning meeting,” texted one of our associates during our Monday morning staff meeting. “They’d sleep on torah. WTF LOLZ I tried to write fever but it changed it to torah. Torahs. Forrah. JEsuS no, or ever. FOR EVER” She looked up and shook her head as if to say, “autocorrect, right?”

NASA also plans to “go about a sixteenth of the way to Mars”, “build a very small outhouse on the moon” and “start thinking about opening an office in Phoenix. It’s a growing city with a lot of space, it could work. Yeah, probably not. Well, let’s just think about it first.”

“It’s not about results,” said a scientist. “It’s about gaining a better understanding as to how things work. So no, it will yield no immediate results, but these sort of tests have remarkable long- no, you shut up! No, you! You!”