Old Bones Prove Once And For All That Christians Were Right

London, UK – A small handful of bones found in an ancient church in Bulgaria may belong to John the Baptist, the biblical figure said to have baptized Jesus.

“After two thousand years, we finally have some answers,” said a biblical scholar. He took another long look at the bones before adding, “proof that… you know, the things we say that happened because some guys sorta wrote some stuff down a while ago is true. Finally.”

“That’s crazy,” said an angel. “Why would anyone keep that stuff? Dude, the Kingdom of God is in you. You are loved by God and that’s all that matters. You have to try your best and all that, but following some crazy rules about what you can and cannot do is silly. Seriously.”

The Church called the claim “illegal”, “you shall not go against us! We speak for the Almighty!” and “no, we didn’t read the finding. We’re just assuming that anything anyone does goes against us. See? You were plotting against us! Kill the traitors! Kill them all!”

“Interesting,” said a historian. “I mean, there really is nothing else to say except ‘interesting’.” He murmured to himself for quite some time before adding, “oh, I was just thinking about the ponies. You know, today’s first post is at one ten. Before you ask, no, I don’t have a problem.”

Report filed by Editor at 10:01 am