Washington DC – Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney picked conservative Congressman Paul Ryan as his running mate on Saturday.
“What happened over the weekend?” asked a voter. “What? So they’ve been out there for two days, stumpin’ and crunkin’?” He began to beatbox as others shouted, “dance battle, yo, dance battle!” It was a mistake to write this article on ‘Dance Battle Weekend’ at downtown club Stompin’.
“This is great!” said a Democrat. “No one’s gonna vote for a straight-shooter. That’s political death.” He clapped his little hands together a few times before adding, “plus, he’s white so you know he’s a racist, bigot, money-stealing, name-calling, corrupt, former slave owner. I mean, alleged.”
The Grand Ol’ Party called the decision “whatever”, “has anyone seen our ‘d’? We’ve been missing the d in Ol’ since the Reagan area” and “this isn’t funny. Seriously, have you seen a ‘d’? Anywhere?”
“Well, it looks like I have a new contest to follow,” said Olympic junkie Roger [last name withheld]. “I wonder who’s gonna medal and who’s going to get thrown out for doping.” He cracked a beer and added, “at least America’s gonna win. Right?”