Washington DC – A new poll, conducted in states and districts in the most competitive congressional races, found that sixty four percent of Americans believe “things in the US feel like they are out of control right now.”
“We asked several Americans how they felt,” said a pollster. “Did they feel America was in decline? In a death spiral? Or are we just giving up and letting Russia force herself on us in the back alley that is the UN?” He shrugged, adding, “you can’t argue with the public!”
“I am sick of this great country!” said a man. After looking around he added, “oh! I thought the police would come and beat me down for disagreeing with our general direction both at home and abroad. Ummm.” He cleared his throat, then added, “goooooo America! Wait, that’s not it. U-S-A! U-S-A!”
The poll also found “political slanted polls are far more fun to real than regular polls”, “people who use caps lock in any form of communication are idiots” and “there should be no more Batman movies. It’s been done, re-done, and re-re-done. Let it go.”
“Why should I tell you?” asked a man. “I vote during elections for political representation and at the cash register for companies. That speaks volumes.” He then went about his day, occasionally thinking of a wittier retort but suppressing the urge to email.