Washington DC – The White House wants the National Security Agency to get out of the business of sweeping up and storing vast amounts of data on Americans’ phone calls.
“We will pass a law and stop the NSA from listening to your phone calls!” said a White House spokeswoman. “That’s how this government works: the President makes the rules and you shut the [expletive deleted] up and obey.” She spit at the press pool, then went back inside.
“Umm, we don’t answer to anyone but Congress,” said a NSA officer. “And we got enough dirt on those scumbags to keep us in business until 2025.” He straightened his tie, adding, “after that, we’ll negotiate with the robots. They should be reasonable by then.”
The White House also wants “America stop stop being so fat”, “other agencies to stop doing what they’re doing in the interest of national security” and “hover boards. What? We can’t dream?”
“Isn’t that why we have them?” asked an American. “We knowingly give up some personal rights to ensure our safety. Right? Is everyone shocked that this is how it works? Well, then we should vote in better lawmakers. Well, then… I donno, secede? Guys, can we- woah, how did the cops get here so fast?”