Ypsilanti, MI – Three members of a Michigan city council have abstained from voting on a measure that would have prevented them from abstaining on future votes.
“This is a great day for politics,” said a politician. “Now we don’t have to do our job, or even abstain from not doing our job.” He stretched across the back seat of his Towncar, adding, “yep, it’s a great day. [Driver] Donald? Let’s take the long way home. No, the long-long way. Thank you, Donald.”
“Now that’s the sort of politics that makes America great,” said a high-ranking White House staffer. “The promise of never committing to anything is the brass ring in modern politics. It’s amazing that- I’m sorry, I promised myself I wouldn’t cry. Excuse me.”
Residents of Ypsilanti were furious, calling the vote “horrific”, “we just want them to change the name back to Regularville” and “the plan worked, the creditors can’t touch us, let’s just switch back to our old name and go back to our old lives! Please!”
“You have to be joking,” wrote a reader. “No, you have to be. No, I get what you do, it’s just- wait, so some of this is real and some is satire? Come on, dude, that’s confusing. So I gotta remember that you’re taking real stories and then twisting them? What am I, the memory god of thinking? Who was that, Ra? Why are you laughing?”