Washington DC – The AP has discovered the US Agency for International Development has sent nearly a dozen neophytes from Venezuela, Costa Rica and Peru to gin up opposition in Cuba over the past two years.
“We blew their cover!” screamed an elated reporter. “Take that, people who are working to topple communism and give eleven million people a better way of life!” He lit a cigarette, adding, “I can only hope that the uncovered youth are jailed and tortured as political prisoners for the next fifty years. Mission accomplished.”
“Why?” asked a high-ranking Cuban official as he smoked a cigar. “Our people are happy, yes? Everyone drives beautiful vintage cars and dances to music. That’s their job: drive and dance. Can’t you just let us be happy? No, this isn’t a Cuban cigar, it’s a Swisher Sweet. To us, it tastes like magic.”
The UN called the plan “surprisingly cunning”, “it doesn’t involve drones or the displacement of millions of people, so that’s a win for the US” and “we’re surprised that you’ve let the press get away from you. You guys did a great job of controlling them for six years. Oh well.”
“So are other countries going to get suspicious of us?” asked an American. “I mean, our press has literally printed a year of reports on how we’re spying on everyone, and now this.” He shook his head, adding, “how do you keep control an empire if no one trusts you?”