Denver, CO – Presidential candidate Santorum swept the primary contests in Colorado, Minnesota, and Missouri last night, beating front-runner Romney. “The Democrats now know they can beat us,” said a Republican. “They see us as weak and unorganized. I mean, look at us, all these guys vying to be the candidate. It’s embarrassing. No wonder ...

Washington DC – In a change of position, Barack Obama’s reelection campaign will begin using administration and campaign aides to fundraise for Priorities USA Action, a super PAC backing the president. “Look, he never said super PACs were evil,” said a reporter. “He simply said they were a corporate takeover of our democracy. He’s been ...

Washington DC – According to a new study that is bound to stir public controversy, people who give in to racism and prejudice may simply be dumb. “If you’re a conservative, you’re dumb,” said a researcher. “The proof? Umm, how about that conservatives are dumb? I mean, if you don’t believe in exactly what I ...

Washington DC – The AP released a report this morning fact checking the President’s State of the Union address. “It was flawless,” said an AP editor. “Every fact was correct, his plans were clear and concise, his anecdotes were both charming and true.” After a few enthusiastic nods he added, “there has never been such ...

Charleston, SC – Texas Governor Perry dropped out of the race for the Republican presidential nomination and endorsed Gingrich, adding a fresh layer of unpredictability to the campaign two days before the South Carolina primary. “That’s what we need, unpredictability!” said a Republican campaign manager. “Something to distract folks from the fact that our guy ...

Washington DC – Demonstrators from the Occupy movement rallied outside the US Capitol today to protest against the influence of money on Congress. “What did we do?” asked a Congressman. “We just let the banks take unprecedented risks with your money. Is looking the other way a crime?” After a long pause he added, “where’s ...

Washington DC – The Department of Commerce will celebrate its 109th anniversary this year, but if President Obama gets his way, the agency won’t make it much past 110. “It’s time we trim the fat,” said a top White House official. “It’s time we find out who’s doing all this spending and tell them ‘no.’ ...

Concord, NH – Former Governor Romney stormed out of New Hampshire yesterday with a historic achievement under his belt, having scored back-to-back wins in the first two nominating contests, and vowing to take that momentum into South Carolina. “This is a victory for all of America!” shouted a Romney supporter. “White people can once again ...