Pope vs. Dalai Lama II: Mess In The US

New York, NY – Pope Benedict XVI will tour the US this week as the Dalai Lama visits Michigan.

“They both will be in the US on Sunday,” said a father as he ushered his extended family into a spacious bomb shelter. “If even one of their nuclear eye rays or mind napalm fire balls misses their target one of us non-holy folks is gonna get killed. Better safe than sorry!”

“We’re a little worried that they’ll fight,” said a White House official. “Our latest military intelligence suggests a few hundred miles between them is enough to keep the Pope from using his x-ray eye power or the Lama spying with his super-hearing. We’ve place a small nuclear device on both US liaisons just incase they get a whiff of each other, so don’t you worry, America.”

A spokesperson for the Dalai Lama noted the Lama’s visit mainly consists of “meeting the webmasters at LOLCat” whilst the Vatican assured American that “the Pope is only coming to America to destroy the souls of the gays” and “throw one hell of a Brooklyn block-party.”

“Yes, we all could do better to emulate these men who have dedicated themselves to a spiritual life,” said a guy with a runny nose. “But that’s kinda stupid.” After spitting on the street he added, “Hey, can I borrow a tissue?”