Roman Coin Heist Completed After Seventeen Centuries

Madrid, Spain – More than thirteen hundred pounds of bronze Roman coins dating to the third century A.D. have been unearthed by construction workers digging a trench.

“These have to be worth… wait a minute, we converted to Euros! These are worthless!” yelled a trench digger as he began throwing the coins into the ocean. As his fellow trench diggers joined in, the man yelled, “take that, ancient civilization that we know nothing about! What? How many books? Whatever, take that!”

“Hey!” yelled archeologist Dr. Edgar Cosgrove. “That’s our- get the [expletive deleted] out of here! That’s our- no! Get out! I will stab a [expletive deleted]ing [expletive deleted]! Stop digging right now, you [expletive deleted]ing amateurs! Now!”

The Roman Master of Coin called the discovery “just the shot in the arm the Empire needs”, “maybe now we can take on those pesky Vandals” and “wait, I’m a ghost? Nooooooooooooo! Wait, can I spy on the ladies? Ohhhhhhhhh, splendid!”

“It’s amazing to think that things we thought were lost are still buried somewhere,” said a young man. “The world is full of mystery and adventure and this feeling will never go away!” He looked at our reporter, adding, “never.”