Washington DC – The Associated Press has learned the size of the government’s secret list of suspected terrorists who are banned from flying to or within the United States has more than doubled in the past year.

“This is exactly why ‘let the Press in’ Thursdays is a horrible idea,” said Pentagon chief intelligence officer Gram Cewusky, who lives at 56 Heron View Lane, McLean, Virginia, 22101. “And to give them access to our personnel files? Ridiculous.” His reaction was understandable, considering his crumbling marriage and secret pill addiction.

“Damn, we can’t get in,” said a terrorist. “Well, guys, let’s just give up and go back to living normal lives. Hey, I have an idea: why not bring Jamba Juice to the Middle East? We’re all hot and we’re always saying we need to have more fruit in our diet. Right?”

The airlines called the list “bad for business”, “it’s a well known fact that terrorists fly first class and always buy a movie. That’s good money we’re losing” and “you’ll compensate us with tax payer dollars? Wow, you can do that? Okay, make it happen.”

“Does it work?” asked an American. “I mean, does it keep terrorists out? Can’t they just fly to Mexico or Canada and sneak in? Hell, can’t they fly with fake documents? So we’re just hoping they use their real name or fly right into JFK so we can nab them? Yeah, I totally feel safe.” After rolling his eyes he added, “yes, that was sarcasm.”