Charleston, SC – Texas Governor Perry dropped out of the race for the Republican presidential nomination and endorsed Gingrich, adding a fresh layer of unpredictability to the campaign two days before the South Carolina primary.

“That’s what we need, unpredictability!” said a Republican campaign manager. “Something to distract folks from the fact that our guy is no different from their guy who is no different that the guy in the White House.” After a snort he added, “suckers.”

“We’re gonna win!” shouted a voter. “I mean, I don’t know if we’re going to win the nomination or the White House, but my guy is polling well, which means I’m gonna be in a good mood for the rest of the day! Yeah!” After a few fist-pumps he added, “America!”

The Regents on the Electoral College called the race “pointless”, “we, and only we, will elect your next candidate” and “who will fail in the Presidential election. Now, recite the Oath of Allegiance and then make your sacrifice!”

“We’re not even done with pre-primaries?” asked a non-voter. “Jesus, I stopped caring by the eighth debate. That was July of last year. How long can they drag this process on for? They’re all corrupt pieces of [expletive deleted], so just pick one piece of [expletive deleted] and move on.” After a long sigh he added, “sometime today would be nice.”