Washington DC – A new survey shows that for the past thirty years, Congress has steadily passed an increasing number of “secret laws” – provisions that are kept from the public eye.
“This meeting of Congress is over,” whispered a Congressman as he banged the gavel wrapped in a towel. “Can everyone exit through the back door so no one sees us? Remember to instruct your limo drivers to coast down the driveway before turning on the engine, just to keep it as quiet as possible. Thanks and shhhhhhh.”
“Ohhhh, so that’s why I got arrested,” said a man as he was being dragged to the ‘shooting field.’ “It makes so much more sense now. Wait, where did you say they’re taking me? And you’re not going to help? Dude, you think they’re going to let a reporter go free after witnessing the execution of an American citizen over a secret law?” After a daring escape that would make an amazing movie, our reporter filed this story.
The survey also found “Congress has been super effective, but just doesn’t want the credit”, “the world is better with all this government” and “mac and cheese in the box has an expiration date. If we can save just one life, yes, it’s worth mentioning.”
“Do regular laws trump secret laws or is it the other way around?” asked a woman. “And if the laws are secret, how did you find them? And what’s the point of a secret law? Also, why are you shaking your fist menacingly at me? That’s better.”