Tampa, FL – An area of showers and thunderstorms near the Bahamas has the potential to develop into a tropical storm and impact part of the East Coast of the United States during Memorial Day weekend.
“We might have slightly more rain than if this were a slightly less storm,” said a scientist as he looked a computer printout. “Also, we’re almost out of the paper with the holes on the side. Yes, it’s important, it makes us look like we’re doing so much with crappy tech. It’s called ‘gravitas,’ you schlub.”
“The odds that this is the apocalypse is negative seven to one,” said a meteorologist during the noon broadcast. “Yes, you heard me right, the coming of our Redeemer is neigh! Hold on, my floor manager just handed me a note… Okay, folks, this is my last broadcast, so I’d like to give my real feelings on Mexico!”
The Ancient Aliens called the storm “silly”, “why haven’t you moved into the ninth dimension?” and “forget it. Let’s just kill this little experiment with heat. Crank it up two degrees.”
“So yes, I think you’re stupid,” said a woman. “Well, let’s think about it. You’re worried that a storm, might turn into a little bigger storm, which, by the way, is what happens in that exact part of the world. And, let’s not forget, there was that boring guy who said we’d get a million hurricanes ten years ago and we’ve gotten a handful. So yes, I feel very confident in calling you a childish name. Very.”