Washington DC – The current-account deficit in the US widened more than forecast in the fourth quarter to almost one hundred twenty five billion dollars, the biggest in three years.
“We’re just as worried about the something something deficit as you are,” said a top White House official. “That is, unless you’re not worried about it. Then we’ll put it in the same bin as global warming and equality. Unless that will not get your vote.” He ripped his shirt and screamed, “just tell us what you want to hear! We’ll do anything! Just vote for us!”
“So we’re in the hole a few hundred billion,” said a Congressman. “We’ll make it back. Oh, then we’ll trade more and reduce it. Well, then you might as well explain what a current-account deficit is, because I’m out of ideas. Does anyone? Then why the hell are you interrupting my private flight to tell me- oh, you have a gun.”
The Federal Bank called the widening “dangerous”, “mostly because we’re screwing up in ways that only a few financial experts can understand” and “sure, we can explain it. You see- oh, darn, it’s time for brunch. Excuse us.”
“The Mayan’s predicted this!” wrote DerekCheeter2005 on an online forum. “Looks like we’re right on track to end the world on 12/20. Hey, does anyone know if the Mayans used the Gregorian calendar? Also, did they know about leap years?”