Cairo, Egypt – According to a new poll, nearly fifteen percent of people worldwide believe the world will end during their lifetime and ten percent think the Mayan calendar could signify it will happen in 2012.
“You can’t deny the facts,” said a US official. “One: the Mayans predicted this. Two: it’s happening, the proof is everywhere. Three: everyone knows it. Four: we’re running out of time. Now that you’re educated you can do something about it. If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem.”
“If enough people believe it, it will happen,” wrote a Mayan almost four thousand years ago. “That is the power of the mind. All we have to do is set a date and they will do it themselves.” Carved in the stone were a series of sidways smiley faces.
Scientists call the poll “a clear indicator that we’re doomed”, “if people are this stupid, then there really is no hope. Seriously, there is no hope” and “what makes this worse is the constant chastising of those critical of this religious nonsense. See? Who throws batteries at a press conference? It’s like- ow!”
“What does that mean?” asked Harris Vendpelth. “They keep saying ‘the world will end’. What does that mean? Literally, as in the Earth will tear apart? Or civilization will fall apart? Take your time, think about it. I’ll be here, working to improve my life. Take your time.”