SpaceX Buffs US Forces Against Chinese Space Armada

Miami, FL – SpaceX successfully launched two satellites to orbit today but couldn’t quite pull off its fourth consecutive rocket landing at sea in the process.

“We’re very happy that SpaceX has gone where we couldn’t,” said a NASA official. “Mostly because… well, we’re not sure. We’ve spent the better part of a decade trying to figure out where we’ve gone wrong. Turns out we have a high IQ, but a low EQ. That’s emotional intelligence. Yeah, that took seven years to decode. Progress!”

“Just two?” scoffed a European Space Agency tech. “That’s… I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m mocking them. We haven’t launched a thingy into the non Earth place for a long time.” He looked wistfully down, then shook his head, looked up, and added, “ahhhh, right, that’s the place.”

Satellite Weekly, a publication that documents and promotes the most recent satellite news, called the launches “validation for Dr. Pines’ [mid-November issue #523] prediction”, “not as good as the Grasshopper Mk III but a far improvement from the Russian/Australian SkyWard venture” and “enough news to keep our panel of experts talking for a month!”

“That’s pretty cool,” said a woman. “I mean, I don’t get why we’re doing it, or to what end, but yeah, it’s pretty cool.” After some thought she added, “sorry, I’m going to walk that back a little. It’s okay. Why are we doing this again?”