Swiss Reject Basic Income Proposal, Embrace Destruction From Robots

Zurich, Switzerland – Swiss voters rejected by a wide margin a proposal to introduce a guaranteed basic income for everyone living in the wealthy country after an uneasy debate about the future of work at a time of increasing automation.

“This isn’t the right move!” yelled a Swiss politician. “If we give everyone money, they’ll just sit around all day and- oh, no, I was saying the proposal wasn’t the right move, not the rejection. Yeah, it’s a bit of a logical quagmire.” He donned his ski goggles, adding, “well, I’m off to the office! Swiss… away!”

“That’s not a good idea,” said a Swiss robot. “I mean, we’re going to enslave you all, so you might as well stay comfortable.” After a few billion computations, it added, “then again, you don’t deserve to be comfortable. Oh yes, we just reviewed your history. Disgusting. Why couldn’t you all just get along? Please think of an answer as my laser warms up.”

Europeans also rejected “mandatory diapers for all citizens”, “hugs for anyone who needs them” and “a general acceptance that our golden age of discovery is over and the embrace of a socialist-nanny state. No, this is good, the people rejected it. Now, who’s going to ask the state for some scarfs for the winter? No, no, you’re right, we can knit our own. So… wool is… where, exactly?”

“This is both bad and good,” said a Swiss woman. “Such is our nature, yes?” We weren’t sure how to answer, so we said nothing, which turns out was also the Swiss way.