More Things Cause Global Warming

Des Moines, IA – There may be another reason to discourage farmers from feeding antibiotics to livestock: global warming.

“We need to stop farmers!” yelled a government official. “No, not with laws or regulation, but with cash incentives to not do what they do! It’s the only was to enforce laws. Oh, also, sorry, this totally slipped my mind, we’re giving drug dealers fifty grand a week to stop dealing. Well, to self-report that they’re stopped dealing.”

“You ain’t tellin’ me what to do,” said a farmer. “We take whatever we want: water, money, and yes, your women folk.” He pointed to his barn, adding, “I got me most of them housewives from that there television. Granted, a few of em died when me and the missus went on vacation. Oh yeah, flights to Bermuda are cheap right now.”

The USDA called the finding “disgraceful”, “harmful” and “we’re going to say whatever we can to look like we were on this whole ‘global warming’ thing and… whatever, just don’t cut our funding. Yeah, Look at NASA, they spoke their minds and got [expletive deleted]ed. True story, look it up.”

“Didn’t that fat politician tell us that we were going to be underwater in ten years?” asked a teenager. She looked around, then added, “then he’s a fat [expletive deleted]ing liar who got filthy [expletive deleted]ing rich on a hoax he invented. How [expletive deleted]ed up is that? Yeah, well you’re a [expletive deleted]ing chump.”