Thank you for reading Calamity News, your number one source for satirical, weekday, black and white news.

This week was jammed packed with calamities that personally effect you, like face-mangling toothbrushes, deadly booze, fake US bonds, terrorist hairdryers, aliens, poisonous sidewalks, e coli, Greek revolts, plane shenanigans, arsenic poisoning, Egyptian extremists, crappy drinking water and the end of the World Bank. Thankfully, you have Monday off to recover. At least we do.

Have a safe weekend!