Thank you for reading Calamity News, the number one site on the internet, according to our mothers.
It’s seemingly impossible to even consider the fact that you’re still alive, but, as we’re generally good people, we will. Won’t you tell us how you survived the impending attack from North Korea, Egyptian bigots, the IRS, an influx of criminals, another crap cruise, being on a national student database, destruction from the god particle, a new Pope, teen cell phone use, daylight savings time, earthquakes, Facebook data mining, and the rich ghosts of Stonehenge? Won’t you? You won’t? Fair enough.
Have a safe weekend!