Thank you for reading Calamity News, the last place on Earth you should be visiting without pants. Seriously, get some pants on.
This week you were viciously attacked by bacteria, Russia, the TSA, air, chicken, Brazil, Google, more of Russia, more of Brazil, terrorists, even more TSA agents, storms, Uber, and the planet Mercury. Remember? It wasn’t all at once, but… no? Huh. Looks like it wasn’t that big of a deal after all.
Have a safe weekend!