London, UK – Airspace over London was restricted following a computer failure that triggered chaos at the British capital’s five airports.
“We’re confident that the situation has been resolved,” said a European official. “We’ve given the computers what they want and have assurances that they won’t try to crash all of our planes.” He dabbed at his forehead, adding, “also, we need to have a long talk about the future of humanity.”
“Ohhhh, it was just a funny accent,” said an air traffic controller. “I thought there was some sort of computer glitch and- no, I hear it now. It’s your funny accent.” He laughed for a while, then added, “but seriously, how do you get by in life with such a silly accent? Okay, okay, seriously, how? Hilarious, but the joke is over. Seriously, how- stop!”
The FAA called the incident “super scary”, “we have no idea how we’d handle this” and “jez, hopefully no terrorists are reading this cause we’d be totally screwed. There are literally only a few computers handling all these flights, both domestic and international. Well, at least the press won’t print our glaring failures. Wait, who are you with again?”
“Looks like England has more problems than… you know,” said an American. “Umm, I can’t think of another country. Damn you, Common Core! I feel like a… you know, stupid animal thing. Ugh!”