New York, NY – A Delta flight had to make an emergency landing at Kennedy Airport last night because of hydraulic pressure problems.
“We can’t talk about an ongoing investigation,” said a company spokeswoman. “I just called this meeting to announce that.” She then stood at the podium as reporters shouted questions at her, occasionally nodding or adding, “sorry, I can’t talk about that.”
“Yeah, we train for that all the time,” said a pilot at a bar. “But, you know, we’re professionals so… wait, what were you asking? Oh, right, here’s how you pick up chicks. Say something like, ‘hey, I’m a pilot’ and then whip it out. One for six times it sorta works. You got this round? Thanks.”
The FAA called the flight “the titanic of our age”, “we’ve already sold the movie rights to flight something something seven. What was it? Eight? Was there an eight or a seven in it?” and “it has romance and vaguely involves post-terrorism fears, so it’s a hit. Coming soon!”
“So everything went well?” asked a traveler. “They followed the procedure and everyone was safe?” He scratched his head, adding, “then how is this news? Most of the time a plane emergency ends with some nerves but a safe landing. Hey, you asked me for a comment on a non-story, so that’s what I gave you. No, you go screw yourself!”