New York, NY – According to an analysis by The Associated Press, the relentless snow and ice storms this winter have led to the highest number of flight cancellations in more than twenty five years.
“You might think things are horrible, but, after careful research, we can confirm they are,” said an AP reporter to a woman sleeping in the airport. “Oh, they cancelled the flight you took here to make up for the original flight that was cancelled. Now I’m going to kick you for a while.”
“What do you want us to do?” shouted an airline executive. “Well, if you can’t think of an answer, then we’re just gonna keep pointing the finger back at you, person who paid us to provide a service! It’s your fault, not the airlines! You did this! You!”
The FAA called the cancellations “awesome”, “we’ve had more ‘afternoon teas’ in recent memory” and “small craft? Wait, are they still flying private aircraft? Oh my God! To the control tower! Yes, of course you can take your drinks with you!”
“This doesn’t tell me anything,” said a reader. “Nor does it fix anyone’s problem. All it says is things are bad. Everyone knows it.” He waited a long time before adding, “even you have nothing else to say. Come on, dude, this whole thing is just some pointless fact that’s gonna piss off a lot of people.”