Austin, TX – A growing number of Americans are becoming “super commuters“, people who travel about a hundred miles each way to work. “Horrible, horrible news,” said a Congressman. “People have to drive to a place, then work, then drive back? Is this the America that Washington envisioned?” He shook his head and added, “despicable, ...

Detroit, MI – Ford is recalling almost one hundred fifty thousand Focus cars from model year 2012 in the United States to repair a potential problem with the passenger-side windshield wiper motor. “Turns out the windshield motor could explode, which, as we all know, will blow up the car,” said a top engineer. “And, judging ...

Nashville, TN – Pinnacle Airlines Corp filed for bankruptcy protection, the latest victim of high fuel prices and dampened travel demand. “We’re sorry to say we’re closing our doors,” said an airline executive to an empty hall. “Mostly because no one knows who we are.” He tapped on the microphone before adding, “our only regret ...

Charlotte, NC – On the heels of yesterday’s in-flight pilot freakout, a woman on a US Airways flight allegedly attacked the cabin crew before being wrestled to the ground. “Seriously?” asked a man waiting at the gate for his flight. “Another one? This is making me nervous.” He loosed his tie, ran his fingers through ...

New York, NY – Two passengers aboard a JetBlue flight recounted the dramatic and bizarre situation of the plane’s captain leaving the cockpit, acting erratically and eventually being subdued. “It takes everything in my being not to just slam the plane into the ground,” said a pilot during flight 495. “I just want to kill ...

New York, NY – Unruly airline passengers at any of the three New York area airports may soon have to go to court and pay for the cost of delaying a flight. “We will levy a seven dollar charge for all passengers delaying a flight,” said a top airline official. “That’s what a flight ...

Orlando, FL – A new video has surfaced, reportedly shot in 2010, in which a three-year-old boy in a wheelchair with a broken leg is subjected to an extended search from a TSA agent. “It’s important that the parents are made to step back and watch the search,” said a top TSA official. “We have ...

New Delhi, India – All over the world, many of our beloved cities and landmarks are sinking at alarming rates. From rising sea levels to crumbling foundations, some of the world’s wonders may not be here for our descendents to enjoy. “Most of these structures will be gone by the year 4000,” said a worried ...