Atlanta, GA – The Transportation Security Administration says airport travelers left over four hundred thousand dollars at security checkpoints across the country in 2010, which is collected and added to the TSA general operations fund.

“We’re not in the business of stealing change from the public,” said a top TSA official. “We’re in the business of keeping air travel secure by using methods from the 80s.” He shrugged and added, “stealing money is just a bonus. After all, most of us are on work-release. And no, you’re not getting your wallet back.”

“Damn it,” said billionaire William J. Stafferman as he left the plane at Dulles. “Where did I put that four hundred thousand check? I knew I shouldn’t have endorsed it on the way to the airport.” He shrugged and added, “oh well, some poor schlub will have a merry Christmas.”

The National Couch Change Grubbers Association (NCCG) called the collection “nothing short of amazing”, “sure, everyone dreams of finding an [US dollar coin] Anthony, but this?” and “we have wasted our lives. Truly, wasted our lives.”

“We’re pretty wasteful, huh?” said an American. “If we invested that money in the market we’d have… hold on, negative three million dollars. Wow, really? We’d actually owe money? How is that possible?” After not getting a response he added, “okay, I have a flight to catch, so… Are you okay? Hello?”