Boston, MA – A Massachusetts woman who flew home from Las Vegas this week says an airport security officer confiscated her frosted cupcake because he thought its vanilla-bourbon icing could be a “security risk.”

“Whew, it’s clear,” said a TSA officer as he licked his fingers. “That was a close one. I took a huge risk by throwing myself on that grenade, but rest assured, that cupcake wasn’t dangerous at all.” After a burp he added, “now to stop the rash of poisonous milk that’s been terrorizing our airports.”

“Damn,” said a terrorist. “They know all about our explosive finger-food offensive.” He gave a long sigh before announcing, “okay, guys, shut it down. Yeah, the whole store. Looks like this whole Mrs Fields thing might just be a money-making racket after all.”

The FBI called the confiscation “exactly why we should be ruling you idiots”, “there can only be one organization to crush the people’s spirits and keep them in line, and it should be us” and “yeah, the IRS is still on top, but we have a surprise for them. We sent them a dirty bomb gift basket. When they open the smoked salmon… boom!”

“You can’t blame them,” said a traveler. “They’re just doing their job. Like the Nazi’s or the people who worked for Pol Pot. Yep, they’re totally blameless.” He checked his ticket before adding, “hey, did they call group three?”