Detroit, MI – The Teamsters Union claims ninety percent of its Hostess members voted to authorize a strike if “unfair contract terms” are approved as part of its bankruptcy proceedings.

“Those son’s of bitches,” said a top White House official. “They hit the one industry that is not only necessary to American life but essential to our GDP.” He pulled a piece of art off the wall, kicked a couch a few times before shouting, “you bastards! You’ll pay! You’ll all pay!”

“We want better… ummm, something!” shouted a union worker. “We deserve better everything because we feel like it!” He pointed to a building whilst shouting, “those greedy bastards get everything because they invented stuff! That’s not fair! Who are they going to find to replace us? There’s no one- what? Those guys? But they’re homeless! They can’t… oh.”

Other unions called the strike authorization “great for America”, “we have no idea what’s right or wrong anymore. All we know is we have to grab as much as we can before it all falls apart” and “what? How are we supposed to know that was the point of the above paragraph. Well, tell us in the future. Say, have you reporters ever thought of organizing?”

“Maybe this is good,” said an obese man. “They’ll be less crap food on the market and I’ll finally stick to my diet.” He shrugged and added, “that’s the best possible spin I could come up with. This whole thing is stupid. I mean, the union reps less than half of the workers in the plant. How is that a strike?”