Washington DC – Fewer Americans bought new homes in December which made 2011 the worst year for new-home sales on record, dating back nearly half a century.

“We’re ready to buy,” said a newly married couple. “What? Worst in fifty years? So the market hasn’t bottomed out yet. Fine, we’re waiting!” After laughing they added, “isn’t it amazing how we’re literally saying the same thing at the same time? Unrehearsed? We’ll be like this forever!”

“People need to remember that we’re in the worst recession since the Great Depression,” said a White House official. “People also need to remember that we’re not to blame and that we can’t fix it because of Republicans. Oh, and people need to know that ‘The Help’ should have been nominated for more things. That’s all for today.”

The American Realtors Association called the slump in sales “no big deal”, “we’ve been scamming you guys for decades now, we have a lot saved up” and “why do you think we’re always smiling. It’s not the coke, it’s cause we’re filthy rich. Thank God you never learned to live within your means.”

“You have to stop telling people life sucks,” said an American. “Because no one’s going to buy or invest in anything if there’s no hope for the future. Seriously, stop it. No, you don’t have to lie, but you don’t have to keep reminding everyone again and again. God, what’s wrong with you?”