Madison, KS – A storm system that could spawn twisters in the central US today already did some damage overnight, where softball-sized hail smashed car windshields. “Who knows where this deadly hail will strike next!” shouted the mayor of a sleepy Kansas town. “We need to warn folks about this hail! Hundreds of thousands are ...

Atlanta, GA – Centers for Disease Control and Prevention researchers claim even though Americans are marrying older, the divorce rate has remained high. “Things have been going well,” said a top CDC official. “No outbreaks, no food poisonings, hell, the only reports of cholera have been in poor neighborhoods so you know we’re not reporting ...

Athens, OH – A huge boulder, about twenty five feet in diameter, broke free from a hillside knocked down phone, power and cable lines as it rolled, and only stopped after crushing the cars and tearing off part of a house. “This is a grim reminder that rocks are dangerous,” said geologist Dr. Tarren Vulchez. ...

Washington DC – Citing new analysis of a photo that could show wreckage of Amelia Earhart’s plane, the Obama administration said it was joining a search this summer to hopefully solve the mystery of America’s greatest female aviator. “It’s time we put this issue to rest, once and for all,” said a top White House ...

Columbus, OH – Barber polls, the iconic cylinders spinning on storefronts across America, are an increasing source of friction between barbers and beauticians. “Eh?” asked Don [no last name given] the Barber. “Since when does a haircut include a massage? Back in my day we’d call that [old timey synonym for forced love]. Believe me.” ...

Hartford, CT – Widespread warmth will be the talk of cities from the East Coast to the Heartland this week. “Sure is warm,” said a man in a bank. “Yep, sure is.” After a very long wait he added, “you know, that’s a signal that I’d like to start a conversation to pass the time ...

San Diego, CA – Experts claim a massive earthquake like the one that unleashed a giant tsunami and killed nearly sixteen thousand people in Japan a year ago not only could happen here in the US, but probably will, and relatively soon in terms of seismological history. “We haven’t had a huge earthquake in quite ...

Hoboken, NJ – A famous black and white cookie celebrates its one hundred years birthday today. The sandwich cookie has come a long way from its first sale to a grocer by the name of SC Thuesen. “Why did they change their name?” asked a reporter. “Probably because of the millions of deaths the cookie ...