New York, NY – According to a web survey in 2011 of about a thousand respondents by an HR consulting firm, Americans don’t seem to have enough time for an actual lunch break.

“I don’t have time for a lunch break,” said a busy woman. “Sure, I have time to take an online survey. I mean, I’m on my computer all day, so whats the big deal?” After a few keystrokes she added, “sorry, updating my facebook status. Now, what’s all this about- hold on, gotta update my status.”

“What?” said a union worker. “I get a lunch break, three breaks during the day and a shortened hour. Oh, I don’t work, per se. Since they replaced me with a robot, the union sued and [major car company] had to keep me on the books. So I come here everyday, do a crossword, check my mail, and, you know, work.”

The National Surveyors Office called the survey “an abomination”, “literally a crime against humanity” and “surveys are not supposed to give hard answers about things. We will see to it that every person involved is drawn and- oh, it was an internet survey. Well then, let the good times roll!”

“I take a lunch when I can,” said an American worker. “But honestly, I’m happy to have a job, you know what I mean? You don’t? Wait, they don’t pay you? Then why are you doing this? I’m pretty sure indentured servitude is illegal. No, I have no idea how you could pay for a lawyer. Okay, this is making me uncomfortable. Please leave.”