Vienna, Austria – The World Bank President says he plans to step down when his term ends at the end of June, raising questions whether the United States will insist on holding on to a job that has always gone to an American.

“We’re confident that the Bank of the World will not go under,” said a World Bank teller. “After all, we have fifty eight million six hundred thousand twenty six branches in over one hundred sixty five countries. We’re too big to fail.” After lighting a cigarette he added, “you’re American, right? Then you don’t know.”

“So where is all that money going to go?” asked a US Federal Bank officer. “It’s just going to disappear? No wonder why the economy is tanking! Good thing they have us to… you know, make money. Wait, what do we do? Regulate rates? Whatever.”

The CIA issued a statement which read “we normally don’t do this, but yall should probably arm yourselves”, “this is the end. Yes, it’s not with a bang, but with a whimper” and “trust us. One of our top guys is a time traveler and everything he told us is coming true. Seriously, get guns and canned goods.”

“Wait, Austin [Scarlett] was the head of the World Bank?” asked Project Runway fan Brett Bramhall. “It makes so much sense now.” After a very long pause he added, “find a pic of the current head of the World Bank and then a picture of Austin. It’s worth the laugh.”