World Saddled With Poor, Mindless US Jobs

New York, NY – Five years after the start of the Great Recession, the toll is terrifyingly clear as millions of middle-class jobs have been lost in developed countries the world over.

“Success!” shouted an economist. “We finally got people to call this era the Great Recession! After repeating ‘this is the greatest economic collapse since the Great Depression’ a few thousand times, it’s finally stuck!” He looked around his empty office and added, “hey, do you know of anyone who’s hiring?”

“This is all the President’s fault,” said an unemployed man. “He promised all high-paying jobs, and houses, and pensions, and cars!” He slammed his fists on the table and shouted, “I believed in hope and this is what I get? Ugh, no wonder why people hate politicians.”

“Well, maybe we didn’t need those jobs,” said an analyst. “Maybe, just maybe, a vast majority of jobs are bull[expletive deleted]. Everyone keeps saying how America doesn’t produce anything any more, so it stands to reason there wouldn’t be any jobs, right? Ironically, once the recession is over, I’ll be out of work.”

“I wish you guys would start doing your own stupid jobs,” said an Indian man. “Yes, we have a billion people, but most of us are working towards a degree in engineering. We don’t have time to answer your phones or give you support operating systems that a child could use. Now get out of my house!”