Xalitzintla, Mexico – An eighteen thousand foot volcano outside Mexico City exhaled dozens of towering plumes of ash and shot fragments of glowing rock a half-mile down its slopes this morning, frightening the residents of surrounding villages with hours of low-pitched roaring not heard in a decade. “Our thoughts and prayers go out to the ...

New Delhi, India – India announced the successful test launch of a new nuclear-capable missile that would give it the ability to strike the major Chinese cities of Beijing and Shanghai for the first time, a significant step forward in its aspirations to become a regional and world power. “It’s our right as a sovereign ...

Kabul, Afghanistan – Afghan President Karzai said he wants at least two billion dollars a year from the United States after it withdraws its troops in 2014. “It’s not extortion,” reasoned an Afghan diplomat. “We’re simply saying that if the US doesn’t give us money, we’ll turn to religious extremism for governance. We’re not saying ...

Tehran, Iran – Iran’s minister says the country is ready to resolve all of its nuclear disputes “quickly and easily” in a second round of talks with world powers planned for next month in Baghdad. “With a push of a button, all our problems will be solved,” said a top Iranian official. He then flipped ...

Washington DC – The United States has canceled a proposed food aid deal with North Korea following over its attempt to launch a long-range rocket taking a satellite into orbit. “If the test succeeded, we’d be at their mercy,” admitted a White House insider. “But since they failed, we’re gonna kill millions of them via ...

Tokyo, Japan – Asian airlines said they will divert planes from the intended flight path of North Korea’s rocket as shipping in the area was warned to beware of falling debris. “We’re warning everyone in the greater Asia area to beware of falling debris,” said a top North Korean general. “Remember, we’re testing our perfectly ...

Washington DC – According to an annual CIA report to Congress, Iran expanded its nuclear program last year with continued uranium enrichment and growing infrastructure development. “And they said they wouldn’t, but they did, and we said they shouldn’t, but they still did,” testified an out of breath CIA agent. “So, if we can do, ...

Soul, South Korea – North Korea attempted to lure foreign tourists to the hermit country to help celebrate a major anniversary, pledging to make “every possible sincere efforts” to show visitors a good time. “The anniversary?” repeated a top North Korean official to the international press corp. “We’re celebrating the capture and beheading of a ...